Wow, so much time, so little done. That’s all I’m going to say about that! What can I say? I mean, I started writing this big ol’ ball o’ nothin’ way back in 2001. Back then, only weirdos were blogin’ and back then it was “E/N” (Everything/Nothing). Perhaps in such a small circle, that’s how ‘we’ knew it. Since then, though, I’ve grown up and personal responsibility and laziness has been allowed to take over. I’m aware of it, and powerless. (cop out)

Well, I’m pretty damn sure we are going to hell. Okay, not exactly as the remaining few readers of this site know that I don’t exactly think of hell as a real place, to say the least. There is a lot coming our way and it isn’t too far out.  Water, global warming (and this term is really becoming a bad word due to the incorrigible fight from the financed right), the financial crisis on scaffolding, the general and growing state of ignorance of the populous, the systemic ascension of fiscal priorities over personnel, etc. It is hard to summarize everything that is wrong right now but it is largely due to the system existing unchecked for too long. Worse yet, a lot of the oversight has been maimed back in the Bush years (God help us)(if I may oversimplify) of massive deregulation.  The worst part is that the populous that should ultimately be up in arms and quite seriously be baring arms is naive to the problem.  Life is tough and the understanding of the situation largely comes from the mass media. It is all too commercial and we don’t have the time to sidestep the bullshit on the tube to find out what is really going on. To me it was obvious. This was going to happen. The general populous is quite average. We didn’t get here because our society is more intelligent than the last. We got here because our intelligent citizens are more intelligent than their predecessors and we “stand on the shoulders of those before us” (if I can paraphrase).  If you start jerking around the masses by controlling the information they receive, you own the country. I’m obliged to say that there is more to it than that but for the sake of time…

It is sad because the country was founded by some brilliant, rich, powerful men with a great vision.  I say it that way because their motivations weren’t entirely altruistic as landowning, wealthy, powerful, elite. But what they had was a vision for a nation that could exceed anything before it and preserve the ideal that people are important in such a way that it could endure the inherant pitfalls of powerful men seeking ultimate control of it all.  And this may seem aggressively false to those it insults but, the Republican vision for the direction of the world generally puts financial success above the health and happiness of the populous as a whole.  And this is obviously hypocritical as Republicans are generally the party of “values”.  They are not my values but they are values that they hang onto as if handed down from God and somehow timelessly applied to the evolving present.  The world should be a better place if we all seek to achieve the greatest happiness as a whole rather than preserve a system that allows, and moreover, promotes individual success with no consideration of the larger picture.  I don’t see why we must allow marginalization of a segment of the population while a far smaller segment of the population is allowed to grow egregiously beyond the poorest segment thousands-fold. It is ridiculous how much better our world could be if the extremely rich were to strategically spend a negligible fraction of their wealth.  We all live on the same goddamn planet and the better off we all are, the better off we ALL are. FUCKERS! Goddamn I hate ignorance.

The frustration I feel about how we came to be where we are today is not something I can put into words. The best way for me to describe the situation we are in is that it “is all so tragic”.  We are in a great time of transition and growth and we are squandering our accumulated knowledge and burgeoning technology in favor of profits and an obviously degraded and spiraling future.  The dismal future we face is teabagging us while we painfully rest this night of boisterous partying off with the hope of making it to work the next day by means of a miracle.  It is bullshit! There is no way in hell this is going to turn out like we’d hope.

All I can say is thank the baby Jesus that I am probably the last generation of comfortable excess. The ones that follow will surely have a much more complicated future.  Unfortunately, you know who are the first to go when things go sour: the old and weak.  And when things go sour, I will probably be old and weak.

When you see me begging, indulge my suicide.

Peace. –Mark

Here in California on the November ballot there was Proposition  8. In it was the constitutional amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Thus the entire motivation for this amendment was to exclude homosexuals from the legal and emotional ceremony.  I had high hopes that people of California had finally arrived at a reasonalble and mature level. I was wrong.

[Read the rest of this entry...]

I found Colin Powell’s endorsment of Barack Obama to be well stated and impressive. I also know that my mother is a democrat however voted for the em-effing Bush; something that seems clearly a result of her value of church.  So I sent a link to the endorsment to her and I should have expected her response. Here is a link to the video. Watch it if you have seven minutes and aren’t already totally tired of this election. My mom emailed me a response that got under my skin and pissed me off on several levels. Her response was the following (her bold type included):

[Read the rest of this entry...]

For all the Christopher Walken/SNL/Cowbell fans, I give you this:

It is an eternal question that men don’t really want answered. Why don’t girls know how guys are? Why don’t they understand how sexual we are? There are a couple parts to these questions. Is it that girls don’t know how guys are or that they don’t know to what extent?

The male existence is an endless drive for hip thrusts into…well, anything female, really. Of course, I speak for myself, but I’m pretty damn sure most of this goes for the testosterone pumped among the species. [Read the rest of this entry...]

I started a new job back in May for some crummy satellite television teleport (No, not Dish Network or DirecTV). Lemme tell ya, the complexity of this facility could do with some good management, in the human resources respect. Turnover rates are high here because they hire newbs, train them by assumed osmosis, and document very little. A typical new hire gets to know the ropes in at least six months, sticks around for another year or two, then jumps ship as soon as the next, certainly higher-paying job comes along. This is reflected in the two guys with seniority having been on for a max of two years. I am interviewing with DirecTV now. Eff this joint! But I don’t really want to wander off on this subject.

Being the ‘new guy’ puts me at the disadvantage for most related matters. Limited crew size forces twelve-hour shifts. With my presence my newfound, ‘job seeking’ friends can take some much needed vacation time. Welcome to the overnight shift. [Read the rest of this entry...]

…that this site evolved and synchronized with the changes that have evolved my thoughts. For too long the writing on these pages has slowed and withered like retired grandfather. Old photos hint of a once youthful, energetic, glowing man and a wit that hints at the mind that still thinks it is as young. So much of my mental torment and curiosity went in to the many, many pages that fill this virtual world. And so much of it came in the few years just out of college. Those days have passed and my life has given me new perspectives built on things I’ve learned in writing here and living the default American life.

The world is very quickly and reluctantly changing its perspective. The consequences of our poor planning and willful shortsightedness on top of an appalling lack of responsibility on the part of our governments, financial institutions, and citizens are beginning to set in. The weakest are the first to feel the crunch as they don’t have the slack to withstand the fluctuations. The problems coming are broader than that. Not one person will come out of this unscathed and the most important thing we can do is plan for the difficult road ahead. I feel that even the most well planned is going to see their routines and perspectives altered. Perhaps my pessimism ignores ingenuity and revolutionary policy change, or even subtle changes, that might keep the downward slope from disappearing off the chart. Or perhaps this great frontier potentially before us (figuratively, of course) is indeed as seemingly endless as I perceive; and possibly greater for the things I cannot see. All I know is that I have never seen the powers that be do anything without a corrupting influence skewing the eventual outcome. But there is so much more to say.

The new ExistentialTension.com is coming as a response to the mounting pressure I feel to understand what the future holds and how to deal with it in the present. The site will be a blend of my photography and writing in the hope that I can utilize my two web sites to put something interesting out there. I anticipate a slow start but I hope to be more productive than either site has been for the last few years. The lull in literary productivity around here was in large part due to comfort and that is quickly eroding.

Continue on to the old ExistentialTension.com and keep your eyes pealed for the sequel.

–Mark

I received an email copied below (Jen, please email me if you want this removed) almost a year ago and I just decided to post it. Read the email and my response follows. The major theme is that the meaning of life seems to have been a struggle of younger days and that the search for it ultimately clouds the answer.

—Beginning of email:
Your excerpt (below) from “Living Commercial” caught me~it’s good to see I’m not the only one who feels these things.

“Consumerism is driven by the illusion of happiness in products and lifestyles that are meant to take your money—money that you have traded 8+ hours of your daily life for. Perhaps it is maturing, but as I’ve evolved over the last 5 years from a college student into a working stiff I have lost some of the ambition to dissect, criticize, and discuss the world. I have spent increasing amounts of time working and sorting my finances to the point that free time is happily spent in boredom—but with anxiety. I think to myself that this can’t be right and that I should be more productive, like I should be doing something. So I begin to plan for things that are out of my control. I think that perhaps leisure used to mean something different than it does now. Perhaps people used to know how to spend free time and because their lives weren’t so fast paced as today’s they could deal with time differently. Then again, maybe it is my brain—sometimes it won’t quiet down and that’s why boredom can just as easily lead to anxiety.” …more

[Read the rest of this entry...]

Somewhere around the third “song” I sort of saw the big picture. “What the hell am I doing?” And I answer back to myself, “This is fucking awesome!”

By day I run a lab where we test software we developed making interactive television and video on demand possible. I’m a tech guy with a growing number of years spent around miles of cables and countless hours watching progress bars sweep from empty to full. I’m pushing thirty, drive a nice car, keep to myself, not attracted to crowds, and an overall quiet guy.

[Read the rest of this entry...]

It has been a while, to say the least. A lot of things have changed and somehow growing up changes your passions; some grow, some fade. I’m closer to thirty than twenty and nudging my way into a full-fledged career that could take me to retirement. I have insurance for health, a retirement plan, and for a few dollars a month I wager I’ll live another. But all this stuff is another topic. I really must explore that one soon.

Whatever happened to anti-trust laws? Somewhere back in the Reagan years they must have lost their populous appeal in favor of mutually, monetarily inspired legislation and blind eyes. Merger after merger we are left with no monopolies but a half-dozen or so companies ruling their respective money trees. There are seven or so giant media corporations controlling every medium. The president of Time-Warner remarked that media companies are more powerful than the government. And who’s out there protecting society’s interests while in record numbers we don’t vote?

[Read the rest of this entry...]